About Me
Quite honestly, this page would not exist if I felt it were unnecessary. It exists only because I need to relate the challenges I am facing, as they are real and quite menacing. That being stated, in order to write about myself at all, I’m gonna have to ditch any kind of formality and propriety, as that is the only way I can coax myself into doing it.
From an early age I always had questions, and would gaze up at the night sky with wonder. My parents told me that shortly after I was born, I seemed to have the look of ‘where the hell am I?’ in my eyes. I think that look might still be there.
My list of formal accolades is short, but hopefully there is no prerequisite in Heaven for the whole ‘saving-the-world’ thing-a-ma-jiggy. The most important things you could ever know about me are that I am very curious, and love music. If I ever have enough time and energy to finish the book I started, you’ll get to know more, but suffice it to say that I’ve had a few oddball experiences but an overall pretty standard, run-of-the-mill experience on the ridiculous spiritual merry-go-round. Just be aware that if we ever do get on board a real merry-go-round together, you better’d be quick, because I’ll race you to the most exotic and idiotic looking creature!
In the summer of 2015, I got an enormous purplish and painful rash on the back of my right leg, and was given a late diagnosis of lyme disease six weeks later. Some medical buffoonery was involved, but I’ll spare you the details. For over 15 years prior to this diagnosis, I had experienced physical symptoms that were anywhere from annoying to excruciating, mostly in the form of headaches and electrocution sensations. Whatever the degree and the form of the symptoms that were present, above all, they have been persistent and have thoroughly trashed my nervous system. At this point in May of 2018, I describe my condition as ‘lyme-disease-complex’, indicating that lyme may be involved, but there is in all likelihood a multitude of factors responsible for my general malaise, and this page is no place to get into that convoluted mess.
The extreme pain and the accompanying isolation of sickness have forced my natural curiosity to run the gamut of all possibilities, investigating deeply into my own condition and the general nature of the human condition in its entirety. Like many people who have been afflicted with this most-unnatural spirochetal organism responsible for lyme disease, my nervous system has been deeply affected, including my ability to concentrate and retain information. Fortunately, my bullshit-detector has come out largely unscathed such that I am still able to glean the essence of people and ideas and can strip things down to the core, just like my nerves have been stripped of their thin myelin insulation. It has left me feeling indescribably sensitive and vulnerable, and the memory of Home has made me feel acutely devastated in what too often feels like a hopeless condition. There ain’t nuthin’ cute about it.
Every day when I open my eyes in the morning, I feel my nervous system rebelling against the idea of living another day and it seems inconceivable that I could accomplish anything at all in such an afflicted state. Even as I write in this moment I am all too aware of my overloaded neurons, and have a hard time imagining how I will be able to do everything required of me for the remainder of the day. Somehow, I will make it through this day, and in all likelihood, I will accomplish something, be it petty or significant. Yet this is no way to live, as it is little more than mere survival. And just as I experience this horrific reality in my own life, I know there are millions of others who live in chronic pain and are bereft of hope, and this goes way beyond ‘not okay’- it’s fucking outrageous.
Although my experience living this way has been hellacious, it has not crushed my spirit, as my sense of humor still thrives and my goofy and playful nature remains intact. Neither has the pain obliterated my convictions that we can transform the world quickly and completely and with greater ease than we may be willing to entertain. Yet my confidence in this conviction can vacillate wildly, and takes a nosedive when I feel distant and separated from my Soul Siblings. Just like everyone else, I require comfort and support, and am certainly not here to promote toughness or machismo. This world is difficult enough as it is, and I certainly feel no compulsion to make things even harder for myself. This difficulty is no surprise, as I am not unaware of the fact that there are dark forces that do not want me here because of who I am and what I know to be possible. Yet through all of the trials in this world of darkness, my focus is irresistibly attracted to the Light, the Truth, and towards getting the job of worldwide transformation fully initiated.
The creation of Dissolving the Dream, along with my musical creations, have come to fruition not be tenacity or perseverance, for I do not believe that I am endowed with these virtues. They exist because I am here and cannot tolerate being idle. Until I can leave the world knowing that my son will be okay without me here, there is no choice but to do what I have been called to do. So let’s save the friggin’ world already!
My Outlook
Due to physical limitations and my need to budget my energy wisely, I have largely stopped trying to initiate anything in my current hometown of Pittsburgh, PA. While it ranks at the top of my list of American cities, I have met few people here to connect with despite my best efforts. In light of this, my focus is mainly going to be connecting through the internet, although I will continue to make efforts locally. In addition to that, I will do my best to travel if there is a sincere intention of a group of people who are ready to spring into action and get organized. Of course I will always take care of myself to the best of my ability such that my health condition limits me as little as possible.
For the past few years I have been reluctant to share my work with the world, and that is due in no small part to my feeling of hypocrisy for advising people to do what I have been unable to, yet my vision is too strong to stop myself from trying, however strident my lyme-complex symptoms start roaring. At the very minimum, I need my voice to be heard and to begin to attract the right people, as being uncertain of what steps to take should not serve as an excuse to do nothing at all. Despite this perceived feeling of failure, I have had many years of experiences with the core practices of Dissolving the Dream such that I know they work from personal experience, and I have had enough groupwork experience to know what is effective and what isn’t. Perhaps we should also keep in mind that many of Leonardo’s inventions were realized after his lifetime and that the power of great ideas can never be instituted by any one person alone.
There are many possibilities for how the transformation of the world will start. A strong possibility is that a radically new conversation will be the spark that will ignite the forest on fire. To that end, I’ve always got my proverbial flint and steel in my rucksack, and look forward to being a part of this conversation.